The New Singletown

Alright, so today's post was going to be about how ADHD keeps fucking up my life, and how hard it is, whine whine whine whine whine whine something relevant whine whine sob story of my life... Whatever. I'll get back to it another time.

Instead, I figured I'd cover today's very, very weird happening.

It has happened that despite my awesome appearance and way-better-than-your-boyfriend attitude, I've been single a few times (I know, right). During those days, I found myself awed of not being able to find a girlfriend, despite my handsome face and average penis, and kept wondering where one would go to find, as Beyoncè put it, "All the single ladies". I've bar-hopped, I've tried the internet for all it's worth and I've even haunted my ex-girlfriends friends. Despite this, most of my relationships have been coincidental, not because of a real effort to find a girlfriend.

My first "real" girlfriend doesn't count, because it happened when we were both five or six, and in the same kindergarten. We had so much in common it was just meant to be. You know, cheap toys, running away from adults, throwing mud at kittens, eating boogers and that sort of thing. My second girlfriend happened because I was a foreigner... Long story, not gonna enlighten you. My third, was a pure coincidence. One of my best friends at that time had a female friend whom he told me was just off-the-hinges awesome. I believed him, so it was a set-up. (Turns out she was kind of insane). My fourth girlfriend was my ex-best friend's girlfriend, the moment we started flirting. It's an even longer story than the foreigner one, so I'm sure as hell ain't gonna go the extra mile telling it (suffice to say, it wasn't my proudest moment). My fifth, and current girlfriend, happened because it was over between me and my fourth and I was out drinking not really caring about anything, so it was pure chance (Pure luck I'd say now, but back then it was chance).

So, now that you know that none of my relationships have been planned or actively sought, I can pick up where I left.

When I wasn't dating crazy, I kept trying to "actively" look for someone to date, and I never got around to find where they hang out. Turns out, now that I have a son and get to take him to another kid's birthday, I find out that Beyoncè's single ladies hang around at kids birthdays. I KNOW!! I was so blown away by this, that I almost wished I was single (Then again I wouldn't ever do that in my current relationship because it's more awesome than Dr.Who and Star Wars combined). It was like a buffet, free pickings. One could almost smell the desperation in the air. Of course, I'm not calling them desperate, but still, the smell. Whatever, you get my point.

All lined up and ready to go

Alright, now don't you bitches get your panties caught up your asses and start firing cheap-shots at me, I'm not calling you hookers. I'm just making vague but valid points over here.

Anywho. I'd never get to this conclusion by myself, but it's all clear to me now. In light of today's divorce statistics, and the millions of options one has because of our free and carefree world, there's a plethora of single moms. You can get lucky and find some of them out one night catching a break from their screamer, or you could try to get hooked-up with that friend of a friend, but if you really want to up your game, get your ass to some kids birthday, (preferably someone you know, or else you'll get caught in a very large shitstorm).


Please. My disclaimer already covers this. If I find out that people have been going to some random kid's birthday and blame it on me when the cops come get them, it's your own Thor-Damned fault. I just rant, I'm not telling you to stalk single moms and their kids birthday.

Just, don't.

....

Seriously, don't.