ADHD = I CAN TASTE THE COLORS!

Updating this blog, for me, is an accomplishment that can be compared to climbing Mount Everest. My concentration exist only within the boundaries of fantasy land, and cannot be easily accessed, as it requires the sacrifice of a newborn lamb, ten drops of virgin tears, two abortions, a black slave and fifteen kilos of halal meat. The exact ritual is better left unmentioned, but it's a mess, I can tell you that much. It's a wonder the neighbors aren't complaining about the smell.

When I finally summon and get a hold of my concentration, it requires the ashes of ten-thousand Jews to be spread in a circle around me to keep it bound within my brain. And not just any Jew, it has to be the ashes that holds the collective suffering of an entire race, so you can imagine that traveling costs I have to uphold to get the remains, and the explanations I've gotta come up with when people start asking questions. Why those exact ashes you ask? Because their ghastly ethereal screams keeps me focused... The ghosts that is... Jew ghosts... Circling around me to keep my attention span from slipping away... Ten-thousand Jew ghosts...

Anyway.

Living with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) is like riding a constant merry-go-round. Conversations, colors, sounds, people, they all just pass by in the blink of an eye. You don't really get to observe and enjoy the moment, as the brain keeps switching channels all the time. Imagine this: You're watching something on the TV that you really don't wanna miss, and some rancid piece of shit stole your remote and keeps switching the channels, like every five seconds. Annoying? Try imagining that you're glued to the sofa, and can't ever do something about it except close your eyes and sleep. That's my life with ADHD. If I stop caring while you're mid-sentence, it's a combination of you being boring and me not being able to control the impulses that tell me to pay attention even if I want to be courteous and listen. Everything that my brain counts as boring is shunned like a shitty meal, and it'll actively work to wedge meaningless information and a constant feed of new ideas into my stream of thought.

Trying to study is a chore, anyone will tell you that. It's not something only I can relate to, but trying to contain the Demon of Concentration, while exhausting every ounce of energy I have just trying to remember some irrelevant information? Fuck, I'd rather spoon my eye out. ANYTHING my fickle brain isn't entertained by, will become a faint memory within milliseconds, so if I don't remember your name, it's not your fault (It can be though, if you're very uninteresting and utterly without a personality, but mainly, it's ADHD).

It's not only conversations or study that's affected. My daily life in whole pays a steep toll for it. My girlfriend often tells me to pick up the trash, wash clothes or to do any other menial task, and believe me I'll gladly do it, because it's part of living together, but it's not something my brain prioritizes to remember so I forget what I was supposed to do within a minute, and I often leave it undone (Yeah, I'll admit, I'm a lazy ass couch-potato as well, and not doing stuff pleases my ass so it'll be partly that as well). This leads to a lot of unnecessary situations where I'll behave like a lazy bitch, while actually I've just forgotten what I'm supposed to do. This happens to my hobbies as well, every single one of them.

I draw, I paint, I play magic, I play video games, I write books, I "work out" (Actually I don't, but that's because I keep forgetting...), I sing, I compose, I read, I talk... I've got a million projects just laying around waiting to be finished, but I can't find the "time" for it. Actually, time is irrelevant, the thing is I just get bored and I find it becoming a chore, so I pass it along and start a new project. I hate it, I really, really hate it. My life keeps stopping every five seconds because my brain switches the channel I'm currently watching, and I'm so confused because I have to start over again. If I'm to complete something, I have to sit by whatever I'm doing during it's duration, or I'll forget it ever was, but that again taxes my energy so much that I eventually, and inevitably get bored anyways. There's just no solution, except a heavy dose of something druggy that makes my head woozy, but then again I'll just sit there and laugh, not actually getting shit done.

Of course, there aren't just bad sides to ADHD. I've got "unlimited" energy to spend on useless shit. I get to find new stuff every day, because I forgot I had it and/or bought it. Squirrels are endless fun, as well as any other living animal as long as they move fast or do something funny on YouTube. Jobs get done faster (When I get to them) because I'm aching do something else. When I speak people think I'm trying to act out my words with excessive arm movements, so I'm fairly entertaining to listen to/watch. I get to annoy people and blame ADHD. I couldn't think of more, but I'm sure there are plenty of other things I've learned to appreciate when it comes to my dysfunction. Dysfunction. I don't like that word. It makes me feel like I'm supposed to have some grown-up following my every step, making sure I don't kill myself while walking up stairs or eating with a spoon.

This post was supposed to contain pictures of me portraying how ADHD affects my life. I didn't get around to it, because ADHD happened. So, yeah. I was also going to point out how this dysfunciton has become a new world plague, but I didn't get around to it. Again, ADHD.