This Game, Or Any Game

I can't help it. I'm a winner at heart. Now, I'm not saying that I'm a winner as in the best at everything, born to rule and conquer and all that jizz. No, I'm a winner at heart in the sense that I can't fucking stand to lose. Just the thought of losing makes my stomach cringe, so I've developed what I think might be a split personality which only emerges when I'm engaged in a game, any game.

I'm saying split personality because when I start playing ANY game (ANY GAME), I turn into a dipshit friend from a whole other dimension. I will backstab you, I will lie, I will sell my soul to unknown deities just to be one step ahead. I train, I do my research and I make sure to know any and all rules just to ensure that I win.

This picture is perfect. My female life companion has made sure to point it out at several occasions that I'm a no-good backstabbing shit. Once while playing laser tag, (Mind you one of the first times we hanged out together doing something sports related, as far as laser tag can be tagged as sport) I repeatedly harassed other people in a most verbal way while guilt tripping them to stop camping and move their lazy asses, just so I could hog the sweet spot and own people from a safe place. I'm a dick like that.

Later on in the game, we played last man standing, and being the sneaky fuck I found a most comfortable place where I could hide my cheating ass. The game lasted for three rounds, the first two with me running to the same place and hiding my ass. The third round I found my girlfriend at the same spot, MY spot. I had to think quick, because after all this was about winning so I told her "Run, run, run they're coming"... Now, I know this wasn't true, but she would never think of me as one to leave her ass hanging, boy was she wrong... I won that round as well. Three for three bitches. Needless to say, she's still bitter, and our level of trust has taken a mighty blow to the ballsack.

Now, I've had to do a lot of effort trying to find out what the hell is wrong with me. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. When playing ninja turtles on the NES I had to be the one giving the boss his last blow. When playing Street Fighter for the first time I totally lost my shit when my opponent owned me time and time again. I stayed up all fucking night trying and trying until I could beat the last boss on hard and I'm not shitting. My eyes were red, I was sleep deprivated, my blood pressure was through the galaxy and I was shaking. All of this just to win at a stupid game.

This would continue for years. Fighting games? Fucking champ... Board games? Total shitface... I was unbeatable... Well, no, not unbeatable but I know of several people who would just let me fucking win so they didn't have to put up with my shit. But anywho, you get where I'm going at.

To this day there are several people who won't play games with me, at all. This includes my mother after I invented my own rules just so I could win in chess... Chess right? The rules are older than most civilizations and here I am like a stuck up shit kid trying to invent them again, just so I could win. I mean, it doesn't get any clearer than that. I fucking HATE to lose.

Now where am I going with this?

I'm not sure. I was thinking of asking friends over to play some board games when I realized that it probably wouldn't be such a good idea. Thanks +Steve Jackson Games  ... You ruin friendships.