We Need The Internet

So. I'm thinking about things to write about. News no longer entertain me, people bore me so much i can literally feel my brain die when I have to listen to them, the outside world scares me and life just can't conjure surprises big enough to make time fly by. Fuck. Where's the aliens when I need them...

I'm stuck with games again then, and if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that games is such a hot topic these days that what I can think about writing has already been written someplace else. I tried a quick google search just to confirm my suspicions.

(My google searches)
Games Suck
Games suck really hard
I fucking hate games (Well, ended up with hating the industry, but close enough)

So, after a quick browse (very quick, but still I made a small effort) I've come to the conclusion that games are on everybody's tongue now, so what the flying fucktwit am I going to write about. It's not that I actually hate games, but writing witty blogs about shitty games seem to entertain people, and I'm all about entertaining people, only thing is I don't have the patience to play a game and find all it's faults, so I'm kinda stuck again.

As you might've guessed, I don't do much research. I just write as I go, and the result is often a jumble of words that make others laugh. I know I can have a knack for being funny around others, but getting my thoughts down on "paper" somehow intensifies the experience... You're welcome... So... Fuck...

Oh, I know.


Gamers...
I fucking hate gamers. You miserable lot of snot-eating jerkoffs who contribute nothing but meaningless wisdom and annoying words... I hate your words... All of them. They're like tiny ants trying to eat their way into my skull and devour my intelligence bit by bit. It's like your only gift to humanity is the ability to annoy the shit out of me and give the collective conscience a headache due to your unstoppable whining and lack of proper sex. You are vermin. You are a disease.

So, how do I know? Well, because I fucking grew up with the first generation of gamers. I've been there, I know what you're all about, only I lived through it and got to see in retrospect what it's all about. You sit around like a sweaty bunch of bleak AIDS patients droning over your screen while drinking cancer from bottles. You stink, you suck and you're stupid. Well, not all of you, but most of you deserve a quick jab in the neck with a sharp object, so to ease our collective suffering.

Now, I wasn't aware of this until recently, but you lot are so lost that you even gather in large cross gender naked groups to play, WITHOUT THE SEX!! What in the name of our lord Odin are you guys thinking??!! Me and my gorgeous girlfriend also get naked, but it includes SEX! We can game whenever, but when clothes are off it MEANS SEX! Fuck me, the future is a bleak place. When nerds no longer have sexual drifts it can only mean that complete social breakdown is imminent... No wait, actually that's a good thing. Nerds breeding?? Fuck it, I vote to castrate them all before we get a next generation of inbred gamers.

I know most terrorist groups target large corporations, countries and cultures, but if they're smart they'll target the internet... Imagine the terror.

 I'm sure that most people can understand me when I point to the picture on the left and say that's a typical nerd. Isn't that the image we all get when nerds are mentioned? Now, imagine millions of them roaming the street after the internet disappears. It would be a total mayhem.

Many people fear the zombies, but nerds without internet scares me a million times more. For now they're locked safe inside their fungus infested sweat-caves, but when the internet is gone they'll come crawling out and start mixing with the general population. I can't imagine the horror as they start to breed with humans and women around the world start having half-nerd half-human babies. It'll be hell. As if we don't have enough problems with Beliebers, Christians, Muslims and other fanatics, we'd now have to contend with a generation of the shittiest kids ever. No, seriously. I mentioned fucked up kids somewhere back on the road, I know, but this! It could possibly lead the world into the most massive pile of fuck ever created by mankind.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, Thor bless the internet. The world is a much better place when it's around to keep the nerds from socializing. Terrorists, please don't listen to me, don't target the internet.

I don't know. I rarely make sense.  This post is nonsensical... Blargh.

Fuck you.

I hate popcorn.
And diet coke.