Pope Schmope

So, Pope Benedict resigns? Well, if I could find a shred of care I would surely be baffled by this event. According to history, the last Pontiff geezer who resinged was Pope Gregory XII in 1415, who did it to solve some douchbaggery schism whatever event within the church where two old men claimed they were both born with the Papal penis, and of course there can be no more than one Papal penis.. Long story and I don't have enough care in my bones to tell it. But it ended in one Penis who ruled them all.


Before Gregory, there was this other guy who abdicated named Celestine V, and Dante was so infuriated because he left the throne open to another dick named Boniface VIII, that he put Celestine in his first book of The Divine Comedy, in the guise of a character only referred to as: a coward who made "The Great Refusal" (Whatever that is.. I'm obviously not thorough enough to investigate this further) who resided in the eight circle of hell... Needless to say, relinquishing the Papal throne is no small deal.

Now, I'm pretty sure that whatever people say, Gregory checks his e-mail now and then, and maybe browses a few internet pages from his Papal bed with his Papal iPad, and one day he might've come upon this picture -->
If someone had ran around hanging up handmade flyers picturing the pope as, well, the devil back in ye very olde days, they would've been found, gagged and hanged. Today, there is such a thing called "Freedom of Speech", and that makes the position of Pope a very exposed place to be. Maybe he realized that the world is finally turning into shit, so he decided to jump ship before he himself went down in the drain along with it. I can understand Greggy old boy, no worries. We've all been there.

After the official de-throning there will be a new Pope. As usual the conclave will gather in a musty old room and ponder on who will be the next dick to encourage mindless adoration to Mary, the baby J-man and the original G upstairs, and that's a place I'd pay money to be. Getting to vote on who's going to be the next Pope?? We all know that they can't leave the fucking room before they've come to a conclusion so imagine the frustration as I randomly point fingers and claim that "God is telling me that he is the one"... It's an unrealistic scenario by all accounts, but my imagination gets the better of me sometimes.

So, on another note, the New scum is so beyond saving that even the holiest of figures decline the job to help save us all. I feel like this should be a wake up call, but then again I'm not one for getting up early.