The People We Love To Hate (Part 1)

Today, my post will explain to you the functions within and around my misanthropic hatred. I've had a lot of people approach me in the years I've wandered this blue rock asking me how I can live like this, and in some cases wondered why I don't just off myself with a harpoon instead of going on about how awful people are.

First off, my life is pristine. Even with the amount of general dislike and hatred I harbor, living like this is no more a chore to me, as breathing is to others. I've done it for so long that it's become a habit.

Second, hating is healthy. Imagine you have a low income, and a douchebag in an expensive car drives past you looking like he could buy himself a new face after you completely destroyed it with a table, without it even breaking a sweat on his bank account. What is more healthy? Diving deep inside your self where you secretly hate your inefficiency, lack of general usefulness and innovative skills? Becoming depressed knowing that you'll never have that kind of money because you're a lowly scum without a well-paid job? Going home and cry over your shitty life and stupid decisions while drowning yourself in your cheap shitty ice cream? Killing yourself over the fact that you're never going to be like him?

Or? 

Hate his fucking face out. I mean, digging really hard to find that special hatred you reserve for telemarketers, shitty kids, ugly people who hit on you and the neighbors dog who keeps shitting on your lawn. With the hatred in mind, you can imagine yourself crushing his body into a one inch cube, setting his house on fire while forcing him to perform cunnilingus on his car while it's still running. You can imagine yourself killing him, taking his identity while living off his riches until they eventually catch you, or just hoping he dies in a car crash. Relieving the pressure like so, helps me cope with the fact that there are people around who's better off than me. But, it goes further than that. 

I don't discriminate. I hate everyone. I take pleasure in walking past people secretly hating their guts out while thinking of innovative ways I could make them disappear from this planet. It's like my own 1-player game, where it's me against the world. With this, I will effectively have disarmed any and all attempts from any individual to verbally, or physically hurt me, since in my mind I'm already better than them. This works just fine most of the time, but sometimes my hatred goes beyond this to the point of fanatical hatred, it's a well deserved kind of hate I reserve for the worst of you. Let me give you a few examples.

1. That guy with the cellphone. 

It doesn't matter when or where it happens, I just know that when it does I'm about as ready to go postal as I'll ever be. That insolent fuck is standing two meters away from me, fucking YELLING IN HIS CELLPHONE! Would you PLEASE, for the love of Saint Guinefort, KEEP YOUR UGLY VOICE DOWN!! It's like he doesn't understand that technology has evolved us past the point where we used to shout over to our neighbors to see if they were home. Yelling won't fucking help you! He can hear you just fine, unless your phone is old or generally crappy, in which case you should fucking destroy it with a laser, stop being such a cheap-ass and buy yourself a new one, they're a dime a dozen these days. It's either that, or live with the fact that one day someone is going to chop your fucking head off with a credit card. Chances are, it'll be me, and I'll be yelling into your ear "Didn't you read my blog! I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO BUY A NEW ONE!"

2. That guy in the register line

I know many  people suffer from a lack of short-term memory. It's a common enough thing and it generally doesn't bother me, until I meet that one fucker who forgot that one thing in the store, leaving the line hanging. I could end his fucking life then and there with a sharpened cucumber. I would derive great pleasure in stabbing his head on a pole, with a sign that said "Remember to get everything you fucking came for before standing in fucking line you vile peace of pig-shit". The only exception to this, are old people. You guys are alright. And my girlfriend. I can't very well hate her can I? (I am a biased fuck... Sue me)

3. That guy who lingers

There is no worse experience, than having to stand there not knowing what to say when someone you've just met on the street, whom you have little to nothing in common with, wants to chat about everyday life. Having to smile while suppressing the urge to punch him and tally on with your daily life is something I am extremely uncomfortable with. I'll even go as far as to say that there is a very, very special place for people like you in hell. Please, a shallow "Hello", or a polite nod is more than enough. Do not stop me dead in the street thinking I want to talk to you, I don't.

4. That guy who lingers prt.2 

You know when it's half-past I ain't getting enough sleep tonight, and you really want to hit the sack? Well, this guy doesn't. He just sits there like a fucking potato in your couch, clearly refusing to face the fact that I'm about to smack his head into the curb and tell him to lay down and die like the sleep depriving fuck he is. There's few things more I can honestly say I hate as much as those who deprive me of sleep. I need my sleep Thordamnit. Unless I'm not making it clear that I'm not about to fall asleep, please, leave.

5. That guy who overshares

I don't mind a hearty talk with a friend in need, in that sense I guess I'm a good listener, but when someone whom I do not know wants to share information about his genital warts, I become a hater. How often haven't you found yourself having some idiot wiping his shitty personal problems on your plate, while expecting you to be a kind stranger assuring him that he has value in this world? If someone I don't know starts to yak about his shitty life, I kindly tell him to shove it up is own ass. 

So. As I write this I realize that there are several more people in this world I'd like to mow down with a chainsaw, but writing them all down would make this more of a TLDR post than it already is. I'll continue this rant some other time, with more examples of people who deserves to burn.